The Love of Mother CNEL's Take

Not so long ago a group of friends and I were at another friend’s house. They are all a little younger than me. We sat around talking about my last year in college and their first year. At one point because he’s the oldest child and her first child off to college my friend’s mother asked me how my relationship with my mother had changed while I was in college. I said mostly that it hadn’t except for the fact that I didn’t call or e-mail her nearly as much as I did prior to senior year.You see after four years of boarding school, and three years of college I pretty much had it down to a science that I would call and e-mail my mother a few times a week, maybe more if I needed what parents are always good for money or advice.

Senior year was a tad different namely because I was so busy, and because I was a R.A. in a freshman dorm. While I still called my mother it wasn’t as consistent as it had been prior. I remember once explaining to her that I didn’t call as much because a) I was busy, b) my kids needed me, and c) she had done a good job raising me so I was determined to help those who weren’t as lucky. It wasn’t a condemnation of the parenting skills of any of my friend’s parents but more a testament to the job my mother did raising me.Far from a perfect child, my childhood nickname is “Goody” because they said as a youngster I was so bad they needed to do a little reverse psychology. It worked because most of my friends now see me as a “good two shoes”, others call me prude. I just tell them I know who I am. Though I have those moments when I think it impossible to achieve those things which I hope to achieve, those things are at least within reach.

Recently as Father’s Day came and went I thought about what impact being raised by a single mother has had on me. It’s something that I’ve written about before. Looking back I think it’s pretty undeniable that there was a void. Growing up my relationships with any adults I became close to had me seeking not so much the love I got that at home, but I certainly sought to be encouraged, motivated, and nurtured. The adults in my life never ceased to compliment me on my maturity, my compassion, and their sense that I was wise beyond my years. Those are all things I can most certainly attribute to my mother. My mother knew that not having a father meant that I wouldn’t have someone to teach me what being a man entailed. She instead reinforced the importance of education. I’ve sought in education a way to define for my own self what being a man means. I’ve defined my own manhood on my own terms.

-CNEL